Survivor:Tortall Edition
by The Lioness1
Summary: What happens when our favorite Tortallans are stranded together on a deserted island? Pure Chaos! Please R/R! NEW CHAPTER!
1. My Strange Little Story Begins

A/N: Actions are in Italics. Disclaimer~ Sadly, I own nothing you see below. They belong to the almighty Tamora Pierce, lucky woman that she is. Someone owns Survivor, too, but I have no idea who it is. Anyway, no lawsuits, please.  
  
Me: Hello! I know this is just a teensy bit OOC but- No don't hurt me! The penguins have gone crazy! Please humor me and read my strange little story.  
  
Episode 1: My strange little story begins. Host: Hello and welcome to Survivor: Tortall Edition! I'm your host, who will only be known as host. Here are the rules: After each round you vote a player off and the last player still here wins a million dollars (minus tax deductions, etc., etc.)  
  
Roger: Hey! No one said anything about tax deductions! I'm calling my lawyer!  
  
Host: Too bad! You already signed a contract. Now, since I'm so lazy and don't feel like making an extremely long show, there will only be eight contestants in one tribe.  
  
George: What is the tribe name?  
  
Host: You get to decide.  
  
Josaine: I think we should be called Barramundi!  
  
Alanna: That was on the T.V. show, stupid.  
  
Thayet: I don't see why we need a team name, anyway.  
  
Jon: I don't see why he's alive again! *Points at Roger*  
  
Alanna: How many times do I have to kill you anyway?  
  
Host: Rule one- No Killing!  
  
Roger: Awwww.  
  
Host: And I think that's about it. So, Have fun and I'll see you tonight at the immunity challenge!  
  
*Host leaves*  
  
Jon: So, I guess we should set up camp.  
  
Delia: And ruin my manicure? I don't think so!  
  
Alanna: What a wuss!  
  
Josaine: I know the capital of Minnesota!  
  
Roger: I need new minions.  
  
George: Can we just get to work, please?  
  
All (except Delia): Ok  
  
$*Later that night *$  
  
Host: Welcome to the Immunity challenge!  
  
Josaine: I know the capital of Minnesota!  
  
Host: Riiiiiiiiight. So, I will ask you each a question. If you get it wrong, you're out. The last player standing is the winner of immunity.  
  
Josaine: I know the capital of Minnesota!  
  
All: We know!  
  
Host: Let's begin! Alanna, who was the King's Champion before you?  
  
Alanna: Sir Gareth of Naxen, the older  
  
Host: Correct! Delia, what tribe was Alanna a shaman of?  
  
Delia: How should I know?  
  
Host: Incorrect. You're out.  
  
Delia: pouts and walks off to the side of stage  
  
Host: George, What was the last war fought while King Roald ruled?  
  
George: The Tusaine war?  
  
Host: Correct! Josaine, what is the capital of Minnesota?  
  
Josaine: Germany!  
  
Host: No. Please join Delia. (A/N-I had to get rid them somehow)  
  
Josaine: runs halfway across the stage, spins around three times, and joins Delia  
  
Host: Okay, Jon, how do you spell photosynthesis?  
  
Jon: um, p-h-o-t-o-c-  
  
Host: Wrong! Go sit with the crazy ladies. (Sorry to all J/A fans, but I am a G/A fan and I'll be nicer next round)  
  
Delia: I am no-  
  
Host: Moving on! Liam-  
  
Alanna: Oh sure, let's just bring everyone back from the dead, just for fun!  
  
Host: Liam, what is the capital of Tortall?  
  
Liam: Hold on! I know this one!  
  
Host: Sorry! Your out!  
  
Liam: But-  
  
Host: Go! Roger, because we dislike you so much, you're out, too.  
  
Roger: I'm calling my lawyer!  
  
Host: I already told you! You signed a binding contract.  
  
Roger: Then I'm telling! Walks over to join others  
  
Host: Thayet, What country was the Dominion Stone previously in?  
  
Thayet: Sarain.  
  
Host: Correct, Alanna, which country is larger, in area, Tusaine or Tyra?  
  
Alanna: Tyra?  
  
Host: Oh, I'm sorry, it's Tusaine. George, if you get this wrong, Thayet wins. What is the capital of Carthak?  
  
George: Um, I think it's.... Carthak City?  
  
Host: Incorrect. That means Thayet wins immunity!  
  
Thayet: I do? Thank you! I'd like to thank the academy and-  
  
Host: Okay! Now it's time to go to Tribal Council.  
  
$*At Tribal Council*$  
  
Host: Who does everyone want to vote off?  
  
Alanna: Roger, because he's evil and I already killed him twice!  
  
Delia: Josaine, because she made me break my nail!  
  
George: Josaine, because she's driving me nuts!  
  
Jon: Roger, because he tried to kill me.  
  
Josaine: I am a deranged pineapple from Jupiter!  
  
George: See!  
  
Host: Moving along, Liam?  
  
Liam: I vote for the pineapple lady.  
  
Josaine: Dancing wildly La La La La La  
  
Roger: Shoot me now!  
  
Host: I'll take that as a vote for yourself.  
  
Thayet: Um, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but Roger did try to kill my husband.  
  
Jon: Numerous times  
  
Thayet: So I guess I'll vote for him.  
  
Host: Ok, Roger, the tribe has spoken. Go away.  
  
Roger: Thank you Great Mother Goddess!  
  
Roger walks in the wrong direction and "accidentally" falls off a cliff  
  
Host: Okay, who did that? Everyone looks at Alanna.  
  
Alanna: Why's everyone looking at me?  
  
Delia: Because you killed him the last two times!  
  
Alanna: Alright! I killed him! But technically, he was no longer on the show, so I didn't really break the rules.  
  
Host: Good point. Well good night everyone and tune in next time for Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
A/N-I know it's a little long (three and a half pages, but who's counting?), but it's my first Fan Fic, so be nice! TTFN! 


	2. Chipmunks and Nail Polish

Disclaimer~ I own nothing here! Leave me alone you crazy people! It all belongs to Tamora Pierce and some other people who are unimportant.  
  
A/N: Thank you all of my reviewers! I love you all so much!  
  
Willowwater: I'm very sorry about that. I didn't even realize it! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Lady Knight: I saw that on a T-shirt! I will do my best to continue A.S.A.P., but school has started! Help me! Well, I promise more people will get hurt soon. And later. well, I can't really tell you about that.  
  
Krizsta: Did I spell that right? Oh well. Thank you for telling me cuz this chapter's even longer. I just got so into it. Anyway, Josaine is the crazy princess from the Copper Isles. Remember, she killed Faithful (sniff).  
  
Episode 2: Chipmunks and Nail Polish  
  
Host: Welcome back to another exciting episode of Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
All: (unenthusiastically) yay.  
  
Host: Okay, let's start making alliances and stabbing people in the back!  
  
Alanna: Really? *Reaches for Dagger*  
  
Host: I didn't mean that literally!  
  
Alanna: Oh.  
  
Jon: *Walks over to Thayet and Alanna, who are talking*. Listen, I think we should get rid of Liam.  
  
Thayet: But why? He didn't do anything to you.  
  
Jon: Because he poses the greatest physical threat.  
  
Alanna: *Glares at Jon.*  
  
Jon: Other than Alanna, of course.  
  
Alanna: Thank you, but I think we should keep him for a little longer.  
  
Jon: Why?  
  
Alanna: Trust me. I've got a plan.  
  
Josaine: *Runs by wearing red platform shoes, a hula skirt, and a heavy winter jacket* (Screaming) I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Thayet: Okay. Does this mean we all have an alliance now?  
  
Alanna: Yes, but we have to include George.  
  
Jon: Why?  
  
Alanna: Because he's better at being sneaky and cunning than any of us. He was a thief. And he's my husband.  
  
Thayet: Good point.  
  
Jon: Okay, deal.  
  
Delia: *With Liam. * So, are you in any alliances?  
  
Liam: No, why?  
  
Delia: Well, you could be in mine. Josaine is.  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Delia: Okay, bad example, but I'm desperate!  
  
Liam: Sure, why not?  
  
Delia: Great! So who should we vote off first.  
  
Alanna: *Walks over to George* George?  
  
George: Yes?  
  
Alanna: Jon, Thayet and I have formed an alliance, and we want you to be part of it.  
  
George: Okay, what do you have in mind?  
  
Alanna: I think we should stage a fight and you could go and pretend to join Delia's alliance.  
  
George: I didn't know she was smart enough to form an alliance.  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Alanna: Whatever. Anyway, you find out information on what their plan is.  
  
George: And report back to you with full details.  
  
Alanna: I'll tell Thayet and Jon. I think we should have the "fight" now.  
  
George: You first.  
  
Alanna: (yelling) I'm not speaking to you! *Stomps away angrily*  
  
George: (also yelling) Fine! I'm not speaking to you either! *Turns around and sees Delia*  
  
Thayet: *Runs over to Alanna* what happened! Are you okay?  
  
Alanna: (stifling laugh) I'm fine. George and I staged a fight so he could find out what Delia's up to.  
  
Thayet: Brilliant! Let's tell Jon!  
  
Delia: So, George, seems like you'll be needing an ally. I think I can help you.  
  
$*Later at the reward challenge*$  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Host: So I've heard. Now, if you win today's reward challenge, you will have a choice of either a gourmet meal, a brand new sword, or a bottle of pink nail polish.  
  
Delia: I must win that nail polish!  
  
Thayet: What do we have to do?  
  
Host: You're going to have to race each other. Since there is an uneven number of people, one of you was randomly chosen to sit out the first round. Alanna, you will automatically advance to the second round.  
  
(A/N~ I told you before I was lazy, so I'll just tell you the results)  
  
Round One  
  
Delia vs. Liam Delia wins.  
  
Jon vs. George George wins.  
  
Thayet vs. Josaine Thayet wins.  
  
Alanna sits out round one and could not care less about pink nail polish.  
  
Round Two  
  
Delia vs. George Delia wins. (Remember how desperately she wants the nail polish)  
  
Thayet vs. Alanna Thayet wins. (Also wants nail polish, although not as badly as Delia)  
  
Final Round  
  
Delia vs. Thayet Delia wins  
  
Delia: YES! I got the nail polish! I got the nail polish!  
  
Thayet: Do you have to rub it in?  
  
Delia: Yes, I do. I got the nail polish!  
  
Host: Okay! Time for the immunity challenge!  
  
Alanna: Don't we get a break in between?  
  
Writer: I am the all-powerful writer! You will do as I say!  
  
Host: What about me?  
  
Writer: Silence! I will not tolerate your insolence!!! (A/N- I know I borrowed this line from Austin Powers, but hey, it works!)  
  
Host: Yes Mommy.  
  
Liam: Is it just me or was that a little odd?  
  
Jon: Definitely strange.  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
George: No stranger than her. *Points at Josaine*  
  
Host: Alright, let's begin the immunity challenge. You will each have to fight each other in hand-to-hand combat.  
  
George: That's not fair! *Points to Liam* He's the Shang Dragon!  
  
Host: Yes, but he was dead.  
  
George: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Host: Absolutely nothing. Let's begin round one.  
  
A/N- Still lazy, once again, just the results. (These pairings were randomly chosen and the winners each round are just obvious)  
  
Round One-  
  
Delia: I refuse to play!  
  
Host: fine, you'll sit out this round.  
  
George vs. Josaine George wins  
  
Thayet vs. Liam Do you have to ask? (I know, it's unfair)  
  
Alanna vs. Jon Duh!  
  
Round Two- (Delia is forced to play)  
  
Alanna vs. George Once again, Alanna wins  
  
Liam vs. Delia Is there any point to this particular match?  
  
Final Round-  
  
Alanna vs. Liam After a long and grueling match, Liam is victorious.  
  
Host: Liam is the winner of immunity!  
  
Jon: (sarcastically) Who would have guessed that would happen?  
  
Host: I'll see you tonight at tribal council.  
  
$*At Camp*$  
  
Alanna: (with George) So did you find out anything?  
  
George: Yes. Delia has decided to vote you off, and Liam agreed.  
  
Alanna: Why that little-  
  
George: Hey! Young, impressionable children are reading this!  
  
Alanna: Oh, sorry. Thanks, George. I'll tell Jon and Thayet. We'll have to get rid of Delia.  
  
George: Okay, I'll vote for her too.  
  
Alanna: *Runs over to Jon and Thayet*. George told me Delia wants to get rid of me.  
  
Thayet: How rude!  
  
Alanna: So we have to get rid of her first.  
  
Jon: And George?  
  
Alanna: He's going to vote for her, too.  
  
**Meanwhile**  
  
Delia: So, we're all agreed.  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Delia: So we've heard. So we'll vote off Alanna.  
  
Liam: I don't know. Alanna is still my friend.  
  
Delia: *Flirtatiously* But Liam, she married George, who by the way I am starting to suspect as a double agent.  
  
Josaine: (was dancing strangely to no music, but stops momentarily) A what?  
  
Delia: Umm.  
  
Liam: It's a movie.  
  
Josaine: Oh. (Returns to dancing)  
  
**On the other side of camp**  
  
Alanna: Hey, Thayet?  
  
Thayet: Yeah?  
  
Alanna: If I were to injure someone, but not kill them, would that be against the rules?  
  
Thayet: Hmmm, I don't believe so.  
  
Alanna: Really. *Grins Evilly*  
  
$*At tribal Council*$  
  
Host: one at a time you will go up and vote, then say why you're voting that way. Liam, you are safe, and you will vote first.  
  
Liam: (walks up to vote) I vote for Alanna. It's purely strategy, nothing personal.  
  
Alanna: Delia. 'Nuff said.  
  
George: Delia. She was going to vote off Alanna.  
  
Jon: Delia. Need I say more?  
  
Delia: Alanna. It's all her fault. Walks away muttering  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk! I vote for Liam!  
  
Thayet: Delia. She's just not that nice.  
  
Host: Okay! The votes have been counted. Josaine's vote will be disregarded since she voted for Liam.  
  
Josaine: I'm a hyperactive blue chipmunk!  
  
Host: And with three votes...Delia! The tribe has spoken! Don't come back!  
  
Delia: Whaaa.?  
  
Host: You heard me!  
  
Delia: Pouts and walks away.  
  
Host: Well, now that she's gone-  
  
Delia: Hey! I heard that!  
  
Host: You were supposed to leave! Anyway, that concludes another episode of Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
  
  
A/N- so, what did you think? Give me opinions, but please be nice! If you've got a problem with it then tell me why!  
  
P.S.- Those Penguins will come into play later, if you were wondering.  
  
P.P.S.- any ideas for challenges or who should be voted off, please tell me. I'm not as brilliant as I seem to be. 


	3. Tutus and Pop Stars

Disclaimer: I've said it before, but if you insist... noneofthisbelongstomeitisTAMORAPIERCE'Syouseethatitshersnotmineijustwrotethe plotandnoiamnotapolarbearindisguise.  
  
A/N: Hey! I'm back! Did ya miss me? I know ya missed me! I can't believe it! Three more reviews! Yay! They like me; they really, really like me!  
  
Silva Sun: Thank you very much. I am an evil genius. And I am a girl if you're wondering.  
  
Starlet: Thank you. I think I really captured the essence of Josaine.  
  
Lady Knight: You are my loyal reviewer. Hmmm, what to do with Liam...  
  
Episode 3: Tutus and Pop Stars. (Don't ask)  
  
Host: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Survivor: Tortall Edition. I'm a bit over-medicated at the moment so lets get back to the camp...  
  
George: *with Alanna* Well, we got rid of Delia, but we're still stuck with the nutcase over there.  
  
Josaine: *Runs by wearing a disco outfit and a pink tutu* Guess what?  
  
Alanna: (annoyed) What?  
  
Josaine: A chameleon named Bob! *Runs off to do Goddess knows what* (A/N: I own Bob but my friend made him up. He is copyrighted and I will sue! He He, back to the show...)  
  
Jon: *walks over to Alanna and George* so, whassup?  
  
Alanna: (stilled annoyed) Stop trying to be cool, Jon, 'cause your not.  
  
George: Diss!  
  
Jon: That hurts.  
  
**Meanwhile**  
  
*Thayet is cooking rice and is approached by Liam. *  
  
Liam: Hey, Thayet.  
  
Thayet: Hi.  
  
Liam: So, what's for dinner?  
  
Thayet: (wonders why he's bothering her) Rice, just like every night.  
  
Liam: Oh, 'cause I was just wondering... can you help me!  
  
Thayet: (is sympathetic but curious) With what?  
  
Liam: I have no allies! Delia said I'd be safe with her but now she's gone and Josaine actually voted for me when I had immunity!  
  
Thayet: Well...  
  
Liam: Please? (Gives her puppy-dog eyes)  
  
Thayet: (can never resist puppy-dog eyes) Okay. Jon is starting to annoy me any way. I think he's trying to flirt with Alanna! Of course, he never was very good at flirting. The only things he really has going for him are the facts that he's the king and he's hot! He flirts with everyone!  
  
Liam: Yes, and how does that make you feel?  
  
**On other side of camp**  
  
George: I was supposed to collect some firewood, so I'll see you later.  
  
Alanna: Bye Honey! *George leaves, Alanna sits down to sharpen her dagger*  
  
Jon: *sits down too* So, Alanna, whatchya doin'?  
  
Alanna: (still annoyed) Sharpening my dagger, what does it look like I'm doing?  
  
Jon: What for?  
  
Alanna: (exasperated sigh) I just am. Haven't you got anything better to do?  
  
Jon: Like what?  
  
Alanna: Go annoy Thayet or something. She's the one who has to plead temporary insanity for agreeing to marry you.  
  
Jon: Wait a minute was that an insult?  
  
Alanna: (sarcastically) No! Of course not! Jon: Good. So, you want to dump George and marry me?  
  
Alanna: What!!!!!!!!! What the **** is wrong with you!!!!!!!  
  
Jon: No, I'm serious. Thayet is really boring.  
  
Alanna: There is something seriously wrong with you! (Gets up to leave) What an ***.  
  
Jon: What?  
  
**Back to Therapy- uh, I mean Thayet**  
  
Thayet: (her face is red and blotchy, like she's been crying) Thanks, Liam, you're a really good listener.  
  
Liam: Okay, same time next week?  
  
Thayet: Sure. (Sees Alanna and runs over to hug her) Oh Alanna! I'm so sorry!  
  
Alanna: Sorry for what?  
  
Thayet: For being jealous of you for all this time! I knew that you were the one Jon really loved! And I thought you might actually still have feelings for Jon but-  
  
Alanna: What! Thayet, you know I love George!  
  
Thayet: Yes, I know. I'm so sorry! Can you ever forgive me?  
  
Alanna: Sure, isn't that what friends are for?  
  
*Thayet and Alanna hug while Thayet is still sobbing quietly*  
  
Liam: Wonderful! I'm so glad you've made closure on such a delicate topic!  
  
$*Reward Challenge*$  
  
Host: Hello and welcome to Challenge Beach! This week's reward challenge is for shampoo and conditioner, since none of you have had a real bath in weeks.  
  
Alanna: And whose fault is that!  
  
Writer: Okay, just shut up, you mouthy little ****! (A/N: Yes, its from Sugar and Spice)  
  
Alanna: Bring It On, *****!  
  
Writer: Okay, fine!  
  
I said burr, its cold in here I said there must be some Tauros in the atmosphere!  
  
I said burr, its cold in here I said there must be some Tauros in the atmosphere!  
  
I said, OhEeOhEeOh, Ice Ice Ice!  
  
I said-  
  
Alanna: Excuse me, but what the **** do you think your doing!  
  
Writer: You said Bring It On! Oh, never mind! Just go back to the challenge!  
  
Alanna: That was weird.  
  
Josaine: Guess what!  
  
Host: What?  
  
Josaine: A chameleon named Bob!  
  
Host: Right. Okay, to win the reward you have to, um. hold on, I know this!  
  
Writer: Great Mother Goddess! What are you, slow! Or just an all around idiot!  
  
Host: Um.  
  
Writer: Never mind! Which medicine did you take this morning?  
  
Host: Duh! I took the blue one.  
  
Writer: You moron! You were supposed to take the green one!  
  
Host: Oh.  
  
Writer: Go to your room! I'll be the host today.  
  
Host: But.  
  
Writer: Now!  
  
Host: Yes ma'am.  
  
Writer: Good. Now the challenge is. TRUTH OR DARE!  
  
Jon: *Gasp! * Wait, why is that so bad?  
  
Thayet: Ooh! Jon has to tell us all of his secrets!  
  
Jon: Aaaahhh! Noooooooo!  
  
Writer: I know, I'm an evil genius. Now, the rules are; if you refuse to answer a question or complete a dare, you will be eliminated. Randomly chosen to go first was George!  
  
George: Okay, I choose Jon, Truth or Dare?  
  
Jon: Um, I guess I'll choose.  
  
Alanna: Hurry up, we don't have all day!  
  
Jon: Okay, um, truth.  
  
George: Fine. How old are you?  
  
Jon: What! I'm not answering that!  
  
Alanna: Ooh! I will!  
  
Jon: Shut-up! I won't answer that!  
  
Writer: Fine. Your out! Next person to ask a question is Liam.  
  
Liam: Wow, well, I guess I'll pick Josaine.  
  
Josaine: Dare! Bob! Bubble gum!  
  
Liam: I'll ignore that last part. Josaine, I dare you to.  
  
A/N: Welcome back to the club of extremely lazy people. I also can't think of anything else to make them do so.  
  
Writer: Congratulations Alanna! You have won Shampoo and Conditioner!  
  
Alanna: Yes! I get to wash my hair! And, cuz I'm such a nice person, I'll share, but only with certain people who I like!  
  
Jon: Does that include me?  
  
Alanna: No, cuz you'll probably use up the whole bottle.  
  
Jon: Hey! It's not easy getting my hair to this silky sheen!  
  
Thayet: Whatever.  
  
Writer: All right, go back to camp.  
  
$*Back at Camp*$  
  
(Thayet and Alanna are washing their hair)  
  
Thayet: You are so nice Alanna. It feels great to finally wash my hair again.  
  
Alanna: So who do you think we should vote off?  
  
Thayet: Jon. I'm really pissed at him right now.  
  
Alanna: Yeah, he can be a real ******* sometimes.  
  
Thayet: And the funniest part is, he thinks he's like the Gods gift to women.  
  
Alanna: Yeah, well, we'll just let him think that.  
  
$*Immunity Challenge*$  
  
Writer: Hello, and welcome to the immunity challenge. For this weeks challenge, you will have to sing a song that I have selected!  
  
Josaine: Yeah! Bob! Random comment!  
  
Writer: Some one really needs to get her to a therapist.  
  
Thayet: Ooh, I know some one!  
  
Writer: Shut up Thayet! This isn't Dr. Phil! First up is Jon! You will have to sing Just A Friend by Mario.  
  
Jon: What?  
  
Writer: Hey! It's either that or Mariah Carey!  
  
Jon: I'll stick with Mario.  
  
I wanna know your name and I wanna know if you got a man I wanna know I wanna know everything I wanna know your number and If I can come over and I wanna know what ya like I wanna know so I can do it all night But you're telling me I'm just a friend You're telling me I'm just a friend Oh baby you Got what I need But you say I'm just a friend But you say I'm just a friend Cuz I can be Your fantasy But you say I'm just a friend But you say I'm just a friend Give me one reason why You wouldn't want this kind of guy Cuz I stay hip I stay laced And I know you know I'm fly-  
  
Thayet: Boo! You suck!  
  
Jon: Wah!  
  
Writer: Thayet, your turn. You will sing What A Girl Wants by Christina Aguilera.  
  
Thayet: Okay, I'll try.  
  
What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy, sets you free, and I'm thanking you, for giving it to me. That's all I know.  
  
Writer: Well I guess that'll do. Josaine, You will sing-  
  
Josaine: BOB!  
  
Writer: No, not Bob-  
  
Josaine: BOB! Where's Bob? (Runs off to find Bob)  
  
Writer: Okay, George, I guess you're up next. You will sing Follow Me by Uncle Kracker.  
  
George: I'll try.  
  
You don't know how you met me, you don't know why you can't turn around and say good-bye.  
  
All you know is when I'm with you, I make you free, and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea, I'm singin' Follow me, everything is all right. I'll be the one to tuck you in at night, and if you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me. I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear, cause as long as no one knows, then nobody could care.  
  
You're feelin' guilty, and I'm well aware, but you don't look ashamed, and baby, I'm not scared.  
  
I'm singin' Follow me, everything is all right. I'll be the one to tuck you in at night, and if you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me.  
  
Writer: Okay, thank you George. Next is Liam. You will sing Pop by *NSYNC. (A/N: I must be the meanest person alive!)  
  
Liam: Do I have to?  
  
Writer: Yes, otherwise I will make you sing Nelly Furtado!  
  
Liam: *Looks horrified at the thought of singing a Nelly Furtado song* Okay.  
  
Dirty Pop Sick and tired of hearin' all these people talk about  
  
What's the deal with this pop life  
  
and when is it gonna fade out?  
  
The thing you got to realize is  
  
What we're doing is not a trend  
  
We got the gift of melody  
  
We gonna bring it 'til the end  
  
Come on now...  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
'Bout the car I drive  
  
What I wear around my neck  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you recognize  
  
That it's just about respect  
  
It doesn't matter  
  
'Bout the clothes I wear  
  
and where I go and why  
  
All that matters  
  
Is that you get hyped  
  
and we'll do it to you every time  
  
Do you ever wonder why (why)  
  
This music gets you high  
  
It takes you on a ride  
  
Feel it when  
  
Your body starts to rock  
  
and baby you can't stop  
  
and the music's all you got  
  
This must be-  
  
Writer: Okay, we really don't want to hear any more. Now, last, but not least Alanna.  
  
Alanna: ****! I was hoping you forgot me.  
  
Writer: No such luck. You will have to sing Britney Spears!  
  
Alanna: Noooooooooooo! Anything but that!  
  
Writer: Fine! You will sing Don't Let Me Get Me by Pink.  
  
Alanna: Fine.  
  
I never win 1st place  
  
I don't support the team  
  
I can't take direction  
  
And my socks are never clean  
  
Teachers dated me  
  
My parents hated me  
  
I was always in a fight  
  
'Cause I can't do nothing right  
  
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror  
  
Can't take the person staring back at me  
  
I'm a hazard to myself  
  
Don't let me get me  
  
I'm my own worst enemy  
  
It's bad when you annoy yourself  
  
So irritating  
  
Don't want to be my friend no more  
  
I wanna be somebody else  
  
LA told me  
  
You'll be a pop star  
  
All you have to change  
  
Is everything you are  
  
Tired of being compared  
  
To damn Britney Spears  
  
She's so pretty  
  
That just ain't me  
  
So doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something  
  
A day in the life of someone else  
  
Writer: Good job everyone! And the winner is.  
  
A/N: Should I stop here? Please, I'm not that mean!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Writer: And the winner is. George!  
  
George: Really? I won?  
  
Writer: Yeah, so lets go to Tribal Council!  
  
$*Tribal Council*$  
  
Writer: George, you vote first.  
  
George: Why isn't Josaine gone yet! Once again, I vote for her.  
  
Alanna: Jon. What an *******.  
  
Thayet: What the **** do you think? Jon!  
  
Jon: Is Thayet mad at me? Oh well. I'll vote for Liam. I really don't know why.  
  
Liam: Josaine. She is really annoying!  
  
Josaine: I vote for myself! Bob! I lost Bob!  
  
Writer: Okay, and it's a tie between Jon.  
  
Jon: What!  
  
Writer: .and Josaine.  
  
Josaine: Yay! Bob!  
  
Writer: Now you, the readers (and hopefully reviewers) get to tell me who you think you should leave the island. You'll have to wait for the next episode of Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
A/N: You will review! You will review! Does anyone know if it's possible to hypnotize people on the internet? Oh well, Please Review! 


	4. And then there were PENGUINS!

A/N: If you were wondering what that long bunch of letters was, here is your answer: None of this belongs to me it is TAMORA PIERCE'S you see that its hers not mine I just wrote the plot and no I am not a polar bear in disguise.  
  
Happy? Good! No! You're not happy? Well SUCK IT UP! This is my fic and I can do whatever I **** well please! (I'll let your imaginations run wild with those little asterisks) Now to thank the NICE people! I love all my reviewers very much BTW! All of your votes will go into consideration, but I do make the final decision.  
  
Daine of the Queens Riders: Thank you! You're so nice!  
  
Silva Sun: Thank you. I am planning to complete this one A.S.A.P.  
  
Lady Rikku: So far you're being outvoted by the other reviewers. Sorry!  
  
Dragon: You flatter me! Go on! No, seriously, go on! You are so nice!  
  
Queen of Chickens: Interesting name. I totally agree about Jon. I'm very sorry about that but I didn't see your name there! But I am thanking you double now: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Krizsta: Thank you. She really is, isn't she?  
  
Tears flow softly: Very sorry, but I have to get rid of one of them. I'll try to make it just as fun without Jo- wait, I can't tell you yet.  
  
Rosefyre: Thanks for the vote. And even if that's true, I've been spelling her name like that for a while, so I'm not gonna stop now.  
  
Lady Knight: So do I!!!! You are my new best friend! You have reviewed every chapter! Hmm, I'll have to think about that one.  
  
Episode 4: And Then There Were PENGUINS!  
  
Host: La, la, la. I just can't get you out of my head.  
  
Alanna: We're just gonna get started on our own. When you last left us we were tied between Josaine and Jon. Now to find out who lost the national vote.  
  
Liam: Uh, Alanna, it's not exactly "national."  
  
Alanna: Shut up! Okay, Jo. what!  
  
Jon: Who died and made you the host?  
  
Host: Oops I did it again.  
  
Jon: Never mind.  
  
Alanna: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted *Glares at Jon* the viewers have voted to make Jo.  
  
Regis Philbin: (has appeared out of nowhere) is that your final answer?  
  
Alanna: Who the hell are you?!  
  
Regis: I'm Regis Philbin!  
  
Alanna: Well you're about to be a dead man!  
  
Kelly Ripa: Regis! Where have you been? We have to go on in five minutes!  
  
Regis: Okay, lets go. (Both disappear)  
  
Alanna: Okay, the person voted off the island is Jo. Oh, for the Goddess' sake! What is it now?  
  
Writer: I think I should be announcing!  
  
Alanna: I think you should be taking care of the host!  
  
Host: Glitter is my favorite movie!  
  
Writer: Point taken.  
  
Alanna: Okay, I swear to the gods if I'm interrupted one more time I'm going to kill someone! Jo.  
  
(A/N: should I leave you hanging?)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(A/N: I think not)  
  
  
  
Alanna: Jon! Get off the island!  
  
Jon: What the ****! How could they choose her over me! This is so unfair! I want my Mommy!  
  
Thayet: Jon, isn't your mommy dead?  
  
Jon: *crying loudly*  
  
George: Okay, I've been quiet throughout this whole thing, but enough is enough. Jon, you got voted off, deal with it! And would someone please get that host some therapy!  
  
Host: Wahoo! Yay! The Cubs just won the World Series!  
  
Liam: Okay, he's officially lost all his sanity! He's worst than Josaine!  
  
Josaine: I'm a little teacup, short and stout.  
  
(A/N: BTW- Jon has left. Yay!)  
  
Writer: Okay, go back to camp.  
  
Host: Wait! The PENGUINS want me to relay a message to you. The PENGUINS say that if I take the little pink pills at the same time as the blue pills I'll get magic powers! (Takes the little pink pill and the little blue pill) Yay! I'm magical! The PENGUINS say that now I must use my powers to bring back the dead.  
  
Alanna: Uh oh.  
  
Writer: Put the pills down. Please, for the love of all that is good in the world put the freakin' pills down!  
  
Host: And here's Roger!  
  
Roger: (appears out of thin air) Do you people have any idea what its like to be killed THREE TIMES!  
  
Liam: Hey I was dead to!  
  
Thayet: zzz. Huh, what did I miss? Oh no! It's Roger!  
  
Roger: Little slow on the uptake there, aren't ya?  
  
Writer: Listen, just go back to camp while I have a little talk with the host!  
  
$*At Camp*$  
  
Roger: Oh yeah, its good to be back.  
  
(Little Do any of them know that the PENGUINS are listening)  
  
Alanna: (with George and Thayet) How come every time I kill him he somehow manages to come back to life!  
  
George: Dumb Luck? Anyway, all we have to do is vote him off again.  
  
Thayet: Yeah, I mean, how hard can that be?  
  
Josaine: (runs by) Where's Bertrand!  
  
Thayet: Who's Bertrand?  
  
Josaine: Duh! He's my pet coconut! Have you seen him?  
  
Alanna: Yeah, I think I saw some coconuts over by that poison ivy.  
  
Josaine: Bertrand! (Runs off)  
  
George: We really should get rid of her.  
  
Alanna: But not before we get rid of Roger. (gasps) I just had a brilliant idea!  
  
Thayet: Uh-oh.  
  
George: What is it?  
  
Alanna: I'll tell you later, okay. *Walks away looking way too happy*  
  
Roger: So, Liam, you've been dead too?  
  
Liam: Yeah, but only once, and Alanna didn't kill me.  
  
Roger: You really don't have to rub it in. Anyway, we must get rid of Alanna.  
  
Liam: Why? She's nice.  
  
Roger: Yeah, to you maybe. If you're forgetting, she killed me. THREE TIMES!  
  
Liam: True, but you did try to take over the country and all.  
  
Roger: Listen! My plan would have worked perfectly.  
  
(Roger and Liam continue to argue)  
  
Josaine: Itch, itch, Bertrand! Itchy, itchy, coconut! Itch, itch, Who Let The Dogs Out!  
  
Writer: I really shouldn't leave them to their own devices.  
  
Josaine: Itchy, itchy, scratch! Itchy, Itchy, woof! Itch, itch, Bazooka Joe!  
  
Writer: Yeah, I think its time for the challenges.  
  
$*Reward Challenge*$  
  
Writer: As you may have guessed, our host is currently "indisposed".  
  
Host: Go PENGUINS! Go PENGUINS! Go PENGUINS!  
  
Writer: .So we'll be doing the challenges without him.  
  
Roger: Good!  
  
Alanna: Shut up Roger!  
  
Writer: You know what? Screw the reward challenge, let's just get to immunity.  
  
$*Immunity Challenge*$  
  
Writer: Can we say unnecessary? Anyway, all you have to do to win is guess what number I'm thinking of.  
  
Liam: Well that can't be too hard.  
  
Writer: . Between 1 and 1,000.  
  
Thayet: That complicates things.  
  
Writer: Alanna, you first.  
  
Alanna: Um, 147?  
  
Writer: Nope!  
  
Alanna: ****!  
  
Writer: Thayet?  
  
Thayet: 388.  
  
Writer: No. George?  
  
George: 939?  
  
Writer: Roger?  
  
Roger: 289.  
  
Writer: No.  
  
Liam: 398?  
  
Writer: No.  
  
Josaine: Blue?  
  
Writer: No.  
  
Josaine: Yes.  
  
Writer: No!  
  
Josaine: Yes!  
  
Writer: Alanna?  
  
**Four hours later**  
  
George: 47?  
  
Writer: No. Roger?  
  
Roger: How the **** should I know!  
  
Writer: Just guess.  
  
Roger: Fine! 3.  
  
Writer: Correct! Finally! What are you people, morons?  
  
Liam: What! After all that! The answer was 3!  
  
Writer: I told you! It was a number between 1 and 1,000. Roger, you win immunity.  
  
Alanna: WHAT! Why you *&$%&^&*^&%^$&^$%#&(%&^$#$#&&&$$%%&! I should really *&*%^)%$$&^#$*^$^&$#%^&^$&*$%$(#*$%^$&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Writer: And once again we would like to give a special thanks to our censoring people.  
  
Censoring People: Yeah! Do you have any idea how Goddamn hard that is!  
  
Writer: You should really learn to censor yourself. Anyway, on to Tribal Council!  
  
$*Tribal Council*$  
  
Writer: Time to vote!  
  
Roger: Thank you, Captain Obvious!  
  
Writer: Hey! I wrote you in and I can write you out! Just go vote.  
  
Roger: Well who the **** do you think I vote for! Alanna!  
  
Alanna: Do you have to ask! Just piss off you stupid camera guy! I vote for Roger!  
  
Camera Guy: Uh, Roger has immunity.  
  
Alanna: Damn! Well then Liam!  
  
Camera Guy: Why?  
  
Alanna: I don't have to tell you!  
  
George: Josaine.  
  
Josaine: Liam.  
  
Liam: I want to go home. Can I vote for myself?  
  
Thayet: I vote for, uh, I don't know. I guess Josaine. She really is annoying.  
  
Writer: Good. Now for our readers at home who can't count, the loser is. Liam! Get off my island!  
  
Liam: YES! Um, I mean, I'm so sad. Well, bye!  
  
Writer: Oh, and Lady Knight suggests that you jump off a cliff. Tune in next time for Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
Host: The PENGUINS! The PENGUINS!  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I know it's shorter than usual, and it took really long to get out, but my teachers love to give me homework! Every single night! Isn't that just evil! How did ya like that little twist. Next time I'm thinking. DR. PHIL! The guy I love to hate! Or is that just a little too mean? And I hope ya'll watched the real Survivor! It's getting really good! Thank you readers, and here's a tip: Review! 


	5. Dr Phil and Oprah

Disclaimer: I don't own the TP characters, Survivor, Oprah, Dr. Phil, or much else for that matter. Seriously, I have about 12 dollars, which my mom still owes me. Oh, and to correct a previous mistake I made while sugar- high, my friend lent me Bob, I don't own him, I just borrowed him.  
  
A/N: I'm back! I LOVE REVIEWS! Can ya tell? I'd like to thank all my loyal reviewers right now:  
  
Rosefyre: It will be taken into consideration. He does suck, though.  
  
Gliniel: It's always good to have the giraffes on your side. I was also happy that the reviewers agreed with my choice to get rid of Jon. He was really getting on my nerves, and I've been kinda mad at him since WWRLAM.  
  
Lady Knight: Hello again! I'm working on that one. Sorry, this is only SOTL, no Immortals or POTS.  
  
Caprice: Thank you! Although most of my reviewers disagree with you, I needed a bad guy thrown in there.  
  
Silva Sun: I'm sorry it took so long but my teachers are mean! They seem nice, but that's just what they want you to think . Sorry, thanks for the review!  
  
Queen of Chickens: Thank you, and I wish you a lot of luck with that. Have you considered seeing the featured therapist? Speaking of which.  
  
Episode 5: Dr. Phil and Oprah!  
  
Host: Hey! I'm back!  
  
Alanna: Gods help us.  
  
Host: My therapist says I've made enough progress that I can come back to being host.  
  
Therapist: Under my supervision.  
  
Host: And let me introduce my therapist, Dr. Phil!  
  
Roger: Really! You're like my idol! Can I have your autograph?  
  
Alanna: *cough* Loser *cough*  
  
Roger: Um, I mean, that's nice.  
  
Host: He'll be watching me for this episode.  
  
Oprah: If your staying, than so am I. This is cutting into my appointment and I pay you a LOT of money.  
  
Host: On with the show.  
  
$*At Camp*$  
  
Roger: I must get Dr. Phil's autograph. And Oprah's.  
  
Josaine: Um, Mr. Host man lady sir?  
  
Host: Yeah?  
  
Josaine: I need to leave for my uncle's funeral.  
  
Host: I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?  
  
Josaine: *getting teary-eyed* Well, it's a long story that involves a cat, and a toaster oven.  
  
Host: Okay, but you can't leave the island.  
  
Josaine: ****  
  
Alanna: Why! Why me! Wait! I have an idea!  
  
George: You said that last time. What is it?  
  
Alanna: Watch. (Walks over to Roger) Hello Roger.  
  
Roger: Oh gods, what do you want?  
  
Alanna: Nothing. I can't kill you while your still on the show.  
  
Roger: Oh. So, what do you want?  
  
Alanna: I'm hurt! *Pretends to cry* Why should I want something?  
  
Roger: I'm sorry.  
  
Alanna: Good. *Stabs his right calf* See ya later!  
  
Roger: Owie!  
  
Host: Alanna! Your not allowed to kill him!  
  
Alanna: I didn't! I just hurt him a little.  
  
Writer: ****! That's not against the rules. But you can't do it again!  
  
Alanna: Whatever you say.  
  
(Roger is magically healed)  
  
Dr. Phil: You're gonna hafta stay offa that leg though.  
  
Roger: Thank you, Dr. Phil. Could I maybe have your autograph?  
  
Dr. Phil: Well, sure. Always great to meet a fan!  
  
Roger: Wow, thanks! And, Miss Oprah?  
  
Oprah: Yes?  
  
Roger: Can I have your autograph too?  
  
Oprah: Oh, I'm flattered. Of course! Here you go. *Gives him her autograph*  
  
Roger: Oh my gods! I love you both!  
  
Alanna: *cough* Suck up *cough*  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
**Meanwhile**  
  
Thayet: Well, you see Dr. Phil, I feel taken advantage of.  
  
Dr. Phil: Yes, and who takes advantage of you?  
  
Thayet: Well, Jon, for one. He's supposed to love me! I know he never really got over Alanna, but.  
  
**Other Side of Camp**  
  
Oprah: So, anyway, I was all like, no way, and he was like, yes way.  
  
George: Gods women! Do you have any idea how boring you are? How do people stand listening to you every single day!?  
  
**Also.**  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
**Thayet's Therapy**  
  
Dr. Phil: You have to go up to him and say, 'Either you show me some respect, or I'm leaving'  
  
Thayet: That's a wonderful idea! Thank you so much Dr. Phil!  
  
Dr. Phil: Your welcome. Oprah! It's time for your appointment!  
  
Oprah: Coming!  
  
George: Thank the gods! Oh, hello Thayet.  
  
Thayet: Hi George! Where's Alanna?  
  
George: I believe she's over there. (points to where Alanna and Roger are arguing)  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Josaine: (Runs by screaming) The British are coming! The British are coming!  
  
Alanna: Who the hell are the British?  
  
Roger: How should I know? Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Josaine: (Runs by again screaming) The Chickens are coming! The Chickens are coming!  
  
Alanna: Now what is she on about?  
  
Roger: Once again; how the hell should I know? Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too!  
  
Roger: Am not!  
  
Alanna: Are too times infinity!  
  
Roger: Damn you!  
  
Alanna: *Sticks tongue out at Roger*  
  
George: Alanna, dear, remember your blood pressure.  
  
Alanna: Screw the doctor, I'm completely healthy, and I would be stress free if it wasn't for this *******!  
  
Roger: Hey! I heard that!  
  
Dr. Phil: Now, let's not over react. Let's talk out our problems.  
  
Alanna: Get away from me you freak!  
  
**Meanwhile**  
  
Thayet: Well, what really works for me is just adding a little bit of baby lotion. It really softens your skin, and gives you that extra glow.  
  
Oprah: Girl, you're comin' to my next slumber party!  
  
Alanna: Thayet!  
  
Thayet: What's wrong Alanna? (Runs over to her)  
  
Alanna: This idiot is harassing me! Isn't that illegal?  
  
Thayet: Probably. Hey, Dr. Phil!  
  
Dr. Phil: Yes?  
  
Alanna: Leave me alone, you *******!  
  
$*Immunity Challenge*$  
  
Host: Hello, everyone, it's a beautiful day isn't it?  
  
George: Says who?  
  
Alanna: This day sucks!  
  
Host: Okay, to win the immunity challenge, all you have to do is-  
  
Josaine: Blue Giraffe!  
  
Host: Blue Giraffe? What the-  
  
Dr. Phil: Now, now, lets not get violent.  
  
Host: Right. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts.  
  
Alanna: *cough* Dork *cough*  
  
Host: Hey! I heard that! Okay, you just have to win a game of poker, Aces wild.  
  
Roger: Can we cheat? (Receives glares from other survivors) Not that I would.  
  
Host: NO! So, let's get started.  
  
**2 hours later**  
  
Host: And the winner is.everyone? There's a five-way tie!  
  
George: How can there be a tie? It's poker!  
  
Host: Okay, nobody has immunity; let's go to Tribal Council.  
  
$*Tribal Council*$  
  
Host: Okay, It's time to vote.  
  
Josaine: Blue Giraffe! Um, I mean Alanna. It's first in alphabetical order. (A/N: Remember Sean, from the first Survivor? Yeah)  
  
Alanna: (muttering) Stupid, idiot- oh, uh, Josaine, I don't know?  
  
George: Thayet.  
  
Thayet: Please don't tell Alanna, she'll kill me, but I have to vote for George.  
  
Roger: Alanna. Of course I'm voting for her, I can't stand her.  
  
Host: .And the next person voted off the Island is.Alanna!  
  
Alanna: WHAT! $%^$&$%&^#^&^$%&#$&@$%^$%&^&#$%$^$^@$^! @%%^$%^$@^^%$^&$#&^^*%&$#^$%^%^&#$%^&#^&!  
  
Host: Thank you, Alanna, for those final words. Please tune in next time for Survivor: Tortall Edition!  
  
A/N: I think you can all realize how hard it was for me to write out this chapter. Alanna is totally the best TP character! And I so did not want to vote her off, but I had to. That's why it took so long and let me apologize once again. TTFN. 


	6. Kitchen Utensils and Other Pointy Object...

I first of all must thank all of my loyal reviewers; seven reviews in one chapter! It's a new record for me!  
  
Dyana-of-Tortall: Thanks for the tip. I'll try to incorporate that in the next chapter.  
  
Rosefyre: I already did! Yes, Josaine will be around for a while.  
  
Raoulff18: You're obviously new, since I already said this fic is only SOTL. Maybe I could have some cameos though...  
  
Lady Myranel: Thanks. I too am a fan of randomness. And for someone who only has to say "whoa", you wrote a really long review. Yes, well, this survivor, they've voted off all the hotties, so it kinda sucks so far. Maybe it'll get better soon.  
  
Lady Knight: Thank you! I like that spatula idea...  
  
amazement: Thank you very much. Please see above at Raoulff18 for answers.  
  
Silva Sun: Trust me, they won't. I am a huge G/A fan (Jon sucks!), so nothing like that will happen, ever!  
  
Episode 5: Of Kitchen Utensils and other pointy objects  
  
Josaine: (who has somehow gotten hold of a fork) *pokes herself repeatedly* Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
Host: Attention Wal-Mart shoppers, there is an escapee from the neighboring asylum for mental health.  
  
Random Wal-Mart Employee: (With southern accent) What?  
  
Host: Someone got out of the nut house next-door.  
  
RWE: Oh.  
  
Host: Okay, who gave her utensils?  
  
Roger: Don't look at me. (Behind him is a pile of pointy objects)  
  
George: Yeah, right.  
  
Thayet: Um, Mr. Host guy?  
  
Host: Yes?  
  
Thayet: Can we just get into the challenge, since there's only like 4 of us?  
  
Host: NO! Um, I mean, not yet dear.  
  
Thayet: *looks scared* Okay, then. George!  
  
George: I'm right here, you don't have to yell.  
  
Thayet: Oh, sorry. We should vote off Roger next.  
  
George: No ****, Sherlock.  
  
Thayet: Is someone a little upset because someone else got voted off?  
  
George: You don't have to talk to me like I'm four. *Walking Away* I've met potatoes smarter than her.  
  
Thayet: Hey! I heard that!  
  
George: Good for you!  
  
Roger: Must do something evil.  
  
George: Um, Roger, did you know that your right eye is twitching?  
  
Roger: Of course I know- WHAT! *Begins to run around in circles* Need mirror! Can't destroy perfect complexion!  
  
George: I'm surrounded by idiots. I think all this time on the island has really gotten to them.  
  
Josaine: *still continually poking herself* Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
Host: Okay, and its time for immunity!  
  
*$Immunity Challenge$*  
  
Host: Welcome! For today's immunity challenge, you must collect pointy sticks and other flammable items to start a fire. Whoever starts their fire first wins immunity! Got it?  
  
George: It's really not that confusing.  
  
Host: Whatever. Okay, go!  
  
**All run off to get sticks, except Josaine, who is still continually poking herself with a fork**  
  
Josaine: Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
Host: You're supposed to go now.  
  
Josaine: (Now has a frying pan and is hitting herself in the head) Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
Host: Oh, I give up! Look, George is back! ROGER! No magic!  
  
Roger: Awwww.  
  
Host: George is placing down his sticks and grass. And here's Thayet, right behind him!  
  
(Thayet puts her things down and realizes she doesn't know how to start a fire)  
  
Thayet: Um, Mr. Host?  
  
Host: Yes?  
  
Thayet: This challenge isn't fair! I don't know how to start a fire!  
  
Host: Here's 50 cents, go to a payphone and call someone who cares.  
  
Thayet: Hmph! (Walks back to her pile angrily)  
  
Host: And George has started a fire! He wins immunity!  
  
Roger: What! This sucks!  
  
George: Too bad!  
  
*$Tribal Council$*  
  
Host: Time to vote. Okay, Roger and Thayet, since you can't vote for George or yourselves, you must vote for each other. Those two votes cancel each other out. So, George, who do you vote for?  
  
George: Roger.  
  
Roger: What!  
  
Host: Roger, once again, buh-bye!  
  
Roger: (Walks away mumbling) Well at least I can't die this time.  
  
*Roger then walks off the same cliff, this time of his own fault*  
  
Host: Well, that's all folks!  
  
  
  
A/N: Hi all! I know, I've been bad, but I was grounded off the computer for a whole week! I went through a huge withdrawl. So, I got this one out ASAP. Next will be the last episode (tear) so you need to vote for the ultimate Survivor! Peace out! ( 


	7. Sole Survivor

A/N: I would like to thank the following people who reviewed:  
  
Rose Fyre Gliniel of Tirragen Amber Greene Silva Sun  
  
Lady Knight Princess Niobe  
  
And now, the fic must go on!  
  
  
  
Episode 6: Sole Survivor  
  
Host: And welcome to the finale of Survivor: Tortall Edition! We are now down to two contestants, Baron George of Pirates Swoop!  
  
(Audience applauds)  
  
George: *Waves to all of his adoring fans*  
  
Host: And Queen Thayet of Tortall!  
  
(Audience applauds)  
  
Thayet: Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Host: Okay, you, the readers, have reviewed and voted. The votes have been tallied. The winner will receive 1 million dollars!  
  
(Audience applauds)  
  
Host: And the winner is.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Host: .By an amazingly unanimous vote.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Host: .GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
George: YES!!! I WON!!!  
  
Alanna: Yay George!!  
  
Thayet: *Is crying*  
  
George: Oh yeah! I won! I won! I w- Wait!  
  
Host: What?  
  
George: I just realized something. YOU CAN'T USE DOLLARS IN TORTALL!!!!!!!  
  
Host: Oops! Um, I had better get going now. Good-bye and thank you!  
  
George: This sucks!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I know, it was really short, but there was only so much I could do. *Sniffle* This is it. The end. But don't worry! I am coming out with a new fic very shortly! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and goodnight!  
  
  
  
THE END. 


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